You well see all the tears….still not sleeping but it’s a good thing I guess cause if I was a sleep I wouldn’t have found the water and the hole in my dinning room ceiling. This is getting to be a habit and I know it’s not me because there is patch and repair marks on the ceiling that shows it has been a problem in the past. And not the first time this has happened to me….same ceiling just different spot….. before from the AC and the bath tub pipes and it’s the toilet part of the pipe has rusted through and water has been flowing into the crawl space until it got soaked wet and heavy enough to suddenly break through and drain on to my dinning room…lol…. gotta keep laughing cause I really feel like crying…..then my youngest son gets up and since it’s now after midnight…. aah like 4 to 5 am and it’s his 19th birthday and he is all upset and starts yelling……some how it seems to be all my fault… he’s really a good kid but the yelling and foul language really doesn’t help and I already feel bad enough all on my own and with it wet outside and now inside….. I hear the dust bunnies under my bed calling my name…. telling me to come on there is still room under the bed for me and maybe even a chocolate chip cookie still under there too…..lol…. boy sure sounds tempting…… at least the dust bunnies aren’t yelling and they don’t blame me for all the problems of the world……he blames me for being sick….. that’s what it really comes down too. So he behaves just like his dad did and blames me for having FMS ….he can’t wait to get a way from me and “having to put up with all the things I can no longer do”. I try to laugh things off and tell him not to worry with the stuff I’ll call the management company when they open. And he gets mad at me for “acting like it’s no big deal” when it is a real problem and not funny at all. So I laugh so that the tears don’t show as much at least until he goes back to bed. It hurt me deeply when he says that kind of stuff. I’m really tired and worn out. I told myself when I started this blog that it was where I would tell the truth and what it is like living with this illness…. so here’s the truth….. TODAY REALLY, REALLY SUCKS!!! Well just to show how lost I am in the fibro fog…lol…. today isn’t my son’s 19th birthday…… no his is the 18th of this month….. today is MY mothers birthday! Thank goodness he was just to mad for me to even think about wishing him a happy birthday….. yeah that would have went over real good…..something like “you being sick has even made you forget when I was born …good going mom” and he’d no doubt tell me again “you are totally useless”…….. now I am going under the bed and hug a dust bunny….. I’ll be under the bed and when I peek out and the dust has settled maybe our paths may cross again….. until then just leave a note written in all the dust if ya stop by before I peek out……. Lila
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